For This Colored Girl

MY LOVE HAS REACHED ITS LIMIT
I'm bitter,and maybe I shouldnt be,because I learned the hard way that they all say things you want to hear.My heart feels like someone cut me open and didnt have any remorse to stitch the womb back up.Im HEARTLESS.I've been mistreated and dragged into a hole so deep my shadow doesnt follow.And Im alone.Nobody feels my pain,no one knows this great heartache I feel ,yet they tell me to get over it and move on.....but how do you move on when someone you practically gave your world to left you with broken pieces and a puzzle to figure out on your own.How do you move on when theres a child growing inside of you from the enemy you once knew and thought was love.HOW DO YOU?How do you stop the tears from falling when its the one time of year that's suppose to be HAPPY and all you can do is cry. How can I sleep at night when my heart is bruised and the one person I gave my heart to sleeps perfectly fine,no sweat on his end although I feel like Im losing my fucking mind.And yet even at night my basic instinct kicks in and I want to be held and kissed and whispered a nice I love you ,but thats just wishful thinking.Because it will NEVER HAPPEN,not from this man I once knew.

PREGNANCY
So Im 8 weeks pregnant with someone I can't even get excited to know.A figment of the heart which my mind can't seem to grasp.A concept which should be created by two married individuals.My friend tells me Im suppose to be a wife before a mom and even though I agree am I not suppose to love this seed inside of me?Because, Im not married.Am I suppose to just get rid of the evidence,so I wont be another statistic?Oh but I will, how many black girls do you see in the abortion clinics daily?Only thing that seperates me from them is a degree.When he was making love to me did he think I was pregnant proof?I never lied and said I was on birth control,we didnt use condoms and  if he got me pregnant why am I THE ONLY ONE SUFFERING.The only thought Im able to visualize is my fingers clinging the rails of the chair as they take this baby out of me.Jesus loves the little children,and although I think Im making the right decision its something I HAVE TO LIVE WITH FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.How can I bring a baby into this world whose father doesnt love them.How selfish of me?Fathers play such a big developing role in a childs life how can I risk my child growing up fatherless.I wasnt raised like that.


BUT EVERY DOG HAS THEIR DAY
I use to pray and ask for God to restore my relationship back to what I thought was "the good ole days",but nothing changed and I just thought God was tired of hearing me.And then I realized he was only trying to save me from my own prayers.Everything happens for a reason,and although my heart bleeds and my mind is wrecked I will continue to pray.I know that God will never put me in a situation that he knew I could not handle.One day I'll prolly look back at this and think sheesh I cannot believe I was having a heartache over this spilled milk.Im learning that at the end of the day NO MATTER what problems you are faced with LIFE GOES ON...



TO BE CONTINUED

Packing Bags.....

My heart is completely broken into pieces and somehow someway Im trying to find every single thought in my mind to stay positive....but the truth is it fucking SUCKS.It sucks that you can put absolutely EVERYTHING into someone and in the end IT MEANS NOTHING.Ive been hurt in every single relationship Ive been in for some reason this feels like when I broke up with my first love.Someone just put a dagger in my hear.I faught so hard to keep us together ,but I cant fight with someone playing outside the ring.Im a realist,if you wanna be with someone else,if you dont wanna be in a relationship if you wanna see other people or whatever just let me know I can respect an honest man.Its way better than seek and you shall find.Somehow I lost ALL of my happiness.I cry all day,and stay up all night hes sleeping while Im feeling the ache...this shit isnt LOVE...l'm SO BITTER.My heart is FULL.......I DONT REALLY KNOW WHAT TO DO....

WORKOUT PLAN

So Im determined to lose my gut and now that the summer is coming to an end what better time to workout?
Furthermore,after doing a little research I ran across an article giving incite on how to lose your gut...4 easy steps

1.watch your fat intake
2.eat the RIGHT carbs (whole grains,whole wheat...stay away from pasta white bread and rice)
3.lots lots lots of cardio(running,cycling, swimming, aerobics)
4.floor work (crunches,6 inches,bicycle,leg drop)




HAIR
My new look coming soon....

I wanna execute this look!!! I took my bangs out Monday and Ive been wearing my real hair giving the weave a rest I guess you can say,however Im having a HARD time finding this hair....if I dont find it soon or something similar tomorrow Im gonna have to get something else...ugh.

say ahhhhh

Last weekend wasnt everything I had plans on it being,however I still had fun...now on to this week

Well after some much needed life evaluation I finally set out on a plan.Im honestly bored with New Orleans I just dont see much progression here....So I decided that Im going to work for a year attend grad school and then go to Loyola for a full law school scholarship.NO BACKUP plan so its all or nothing.

Its time for a change and usually I do this at the beginning of the summer,BUT now Im going to do it towards the end.I want a new look...and im going find it TODAY will post pix later

sick...

ugh my boo is sick and i REAALLY dont wanna get sick uggh...
This weekend was BASIC although i was BAD i had more fun for Halloween.In the meantime i need a GETAWAY...I think its time we take a trip cuz i need some me and him time..

relationships are HARD ,walking away is even HARDER

SO I just broke up with my boyfriend and I think I'm serious this time.I need a break or something to see if this is where I'm suppose to be because ever since yesterday I just haven't been feeling it.I'm not fond of people who "stunt" or put on a show for others I'm grown and I'm much too old for that.More then anything I'm just ready for the weekend to get here because its Essence weekend which means fun fun fun!You know many people think relationships are hard ,but I think walking away from someone you perceived as "the one" is much harder.Maybe I jinxed myself.Who knows it doesnt really matter much now "que sera sera" which means what willl be,will be.I hope I have a better day tomorrow this day has been AWFUL.

All i want is EVERYTHING

5 Keys to a Successful Relationship


1.Communication
2.Honesty
3.Trust
4.Respect
5.Dependability


The importance of communication cannot be stressed enough.If you cant open up and talk about things,then there is no foundation in the relationship.When people have things on their mind and let them go without discussing it,it usually manifest itself somewhere else.Being honest is the KEY,even little lies can come back to haunt you.If you're in a relationship without trust its just a time bomb waiting to explode.Within a healthy relationship RESPECT is a must,you may not agree all the time but you have to respect each others opinions.Having someone who is dependable and reliable gives you a sense of security in a relationship.

Comedy

Work it OUT

& I wonder if you know...

TODAY WAS A EPIC FAIL as a whole.First my boyfriend called me about this iphone 4 that Im still waiting on,I through a tantrum and got over it...have you seen it its not even DOPE.Secondly I feel aggravated.Ugh I want something more...But on a brighter notee my nephew birthday is this weekend and im excited.I love love love KIDS!!!Oh yeah CONGRATS to my bff Angi D she's graduating tomorrow.............

Relationships

Everyone looks for that one person they can grow old with,the one person they wanna wake up to every single day and say FUCK THIS IS THE ONE....So earlier me and my friend Tiffy were having a little convo about grad school,medical school,law school etc. and relationships and we were tlking about how important it is to be in a stable relationship when going through this phase of life and I was just thinking and drifting off into lala world...For me an ideal life would be a good hubby two kids and a nice house with a red door....but I think its inevitable....not so much for me...or maybe I just need to change somethings...

• sidebar i just saw a informmercial for something called booty pop

Whose in charge now?

Obama is NOT playing with that ass...

So a reporter from Rolling Stone decided to do a interview wiith General McChrystal however it ended up as an #epicfail,causing the general to resign.You can read more of the article here

Life after college is turning out to be a bit of a bore.Im not inspired and Im shitless.Waking up without a motive is the pitts,so its probably time for me to get a job.Although the job searching sux even harder I need a challenge.I honestly feel like with the way things are going in the economy a college degree just doesn't make you a higher candidate for the job market.Most employers would much rather hire someone who is already trained for the job do to alot of job experience(shit I would have all the experience in the world,but i went to COLLEGE)give me a freaking break.

Gonna have my nephews this weekend,ahhh love my babies!

Apple is PISSING ME OFF.Due to the high consumer volume of the iphone 4 the release date has been pushed back for the rest of the world who didnt PRE-ORDER.SERIOUSLY Apple did you not think the world would want the NEW iphone this is the number 1 phone,ugh this publicity stunt irritates me.On another note I currently have the HD2 and it SUX ASS.However Im not a droid lover so that isn't very suprising...miss my bbm though.

In fashion news these shoes are making me feel some kind of way

sidebar: i Need to get back on my workout...Jennifer Hudson inspires ME